do herpes really smell.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
