he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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