never play flip cup with pint glasses
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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