I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
