i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
