He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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