My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
where am i from again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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