Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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