My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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