I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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