I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
