apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
