I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
