you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
