I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
