he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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