So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
