You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
