So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
