Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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