I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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