Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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