My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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