Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
