I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
