Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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