Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
