I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
