Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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