What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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