I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
