I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
