Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
