Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
