I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
