SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
