i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
