Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
