I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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