Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
