Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
