Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
