its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
