It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
