the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
