I hate all girls vehemently.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
