You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
