and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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