I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
