I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
