TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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