he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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