I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
