fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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