while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
