I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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