It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
