Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
