But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
