I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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