Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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